Fight with Grief

November 2020

GRIEF is a small word that entered my life with my husband’s diagnosis of ALS. It’s a sneaky word that crept into my world slowly and grabbed hold when it invited its friend FEAR along for the ride. It was subtle at first, I had known disappointment and hurt throughout my life but I had not been introduced to this bad boy. I started to grieve a little at a time, loss of the life as I knew it, the dreams of the future, my daily life, being a partner and wife, becoming a caregiver, nurse and therapist. GRIEF was getting stronger it had knocked me to the mat, dazed and confused I tried to get my footing again. I kept getting knocked to the mat when I tried to stand, GRIEF said “No you don’t I am here to teach you”. The next knock down punch, loss of myself, I disappeared, the door to my childhood sexual abuse, death of my husband all came in. Wow! This dude called GRIEF was serious and deadly. GRIEF was determined to keep me in the darkness, out of breath, weak and the loser.

Little did GRIEF know that I had a super power called HEALING and LOVE, with stars in my eyes and the breath knocked out of my body and soul I saw a little light and that meant HOPE. I fought through the darkness to stand up and triumph over GRIEF. I was bloody and bruised but GRIEF was not taking me away from my children and self. I will fight to live and love, you don’t know my strength.

The secret to my victory was to fight to stay in the light of the LOVE for myself and those who touch my life. You see my loving heart knows the depth of darkness and the strength to face GRIEF and life and say “not today”, I am HEALING there is no room for GRIEF on my journey into the future I am creating. A life that has more meaning, purpose and sunshine. I also have the privilege and honour of caring with me the strength and love of my husbands fight to keep me on my feet even when I am knocked off balance.

I welcome the sunshine of a new day and grateful for a new day.